sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
