Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
