you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
