her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We left an ass print on the piano.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just blew my weed a kiss
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
