Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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