erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
