so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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