I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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