Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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