Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there's paper in my vomit.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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