My liver just broke up with me...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
