A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
