It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize