If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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