If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
