that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
