U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize