Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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