You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
