Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
