i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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