so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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