8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
