I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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