Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
