I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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