I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
