Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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