nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
