Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
