I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
