allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
