i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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