Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
