Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
