so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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