I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
