u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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