remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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