I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
