she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
