dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
