Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
