hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
