I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
