I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize