Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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