i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I party with great urgency now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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