So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
