I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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