i think my tv is drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
