She's JV to your varsity
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
