he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
