My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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