Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
