I hope mine doesn't look like that
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He shit in the fireplace
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize