Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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