I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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