I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are the jesus of drinking
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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