Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
