There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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