Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
