tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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