I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
