I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
