oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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