She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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