i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize