When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
