And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize