Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
